Understanding Shame
The Purpose, Problem, and Profit of Public Shaming
The last decade has seen an increase in the public discourse around shame. This corresponds with social media becoming ubiquitous as Generation Z* (the first generation to have grown-up in a world with social media) largely comes of age. Understanding shame is more important now than ever. The implications and effects of shame are as universal and pervasive as they have ever been. In this article we will study shame; the purpose of it, the problem with it, and how businesses profit from it.
Defining Shame
Shame and guilt are often used synonymously, so when examining shame it is important to outline the differences between the two.
Cultural anthropologist Ruth Benedict differentiates shame and guilt from where the emotions arise.1 Shame arises from a violation of cultural or social values, while feelings of guilt arise from violations of one’s internal values.
Essentially, guilt is something you can have on your own, but shame will come up when one’s ‘defects’ are exposed to others and negatively (either in reality or one’s imagination) evaluated.
The two are connected, guilt can originate from shame, but they are different.
The Purpose of Shame
Shame is a strong negative emotion but its origins play a part in our survival as a species. We are very social, this has served us well from an evolutionary perspective, and shame is an evolutionary tool that keeps us in check.2
Cathy O’Neil’s book The Shame Machine focuses on who profits from shame. It includes examples of the use of shame as a positive force in a community and contrasts those with the harmful uses of shame.
Shame as a Positive Force
A Shaming Ritual performed in the Pueblo Nations of New Mexico and Arizona is provided by O’Neil as an example of shame as a positive force. In seasonal ceremonies, which extend over two days, clowns dressed in clay-striped costumes perform in a plaza surrounded by community members. The clowns act out the transgressions of community members.
Anthropologist Peter Whiteley recalls a ceremony from the 90s where;
‘the clowns acted like comical drunks, staggering and throwing bottles around as they ridiculed a bootlegger who sold liquor within the community’ (a violation of an established rule).3
While this example sounds like an intense shaming, later in the ceremony, both the clowns and their shamed targets can receive formal forgiveness.
The shamed are folded back into the community in good standing, but with an awareness that the others will be keeping an eye on them.
Toxic Shaming
A negative example of shame O’Neil uses is the term “bingo wings”. This term originates from Britain where bingo is an after-dinner staple in retirement homes.
“When a woman wins, she’ll shout BINGO! Raising her winning card high and waving…the waving draws attention to her arms and any jiggling pockets of loose fatty skin.”
O’Neil points out that the term shames the body, age, and gender (women generally suffering more body and age shame than men). It’s also a form of class shame, Bingo being an activity popular with the middle and lower classes. Note that unlike the ritual of the Pueblo Nations ,there’s no redemption to be found in this term.
“Bingo wings” is a perfect example of toxic shaming. It eliminates the purpose of shame (which ultimately seeks to bring people back into the fold). Toxic shaming targets who people are, not what people do.3
The Problem With Shame
Like grief, there are identifiable stages to shame. The stages of shame are hurt, denial, acceptance, and transcendence. When transcendence occurs people who have suffered shame and confronted it will shift the focus from self to community and take corrective action.
The problem with shame is individuals will work through these stages at varying paces. And it is easy for shame to become guilt. This is especially common in more individualist cultures.
When mired in guilt it becomes even more difficult to move through the stages of shame. One might bounce between hurt and denial. Add to this the problem of the internet pile-on, where individuals feel consistently attacked, and denial may seed defensiveness. When this occurs, the purpose of shame is effectively killed.
The Profit of Shame
There is money to made off shame, and businesses or entire industries utilize or even result from shame. Social media companies have made money on public shaming as a form of negative engagement, and the detrimental effects of this are being studied.4
It is important to develop an awareness of shame as a fuel for some industries, as well as the larger sociological consequences of this.
Shame as a Business Model
O’Neil provides multiple examples of businesses or entire industries utilizing or resulting from shame in The Shame Machine.
Recovery Connections is given as an example of a business resulting from shame. It launched after the same business model, Recovery Ventures, ran afoul of the state licensing board of North Carolina for ethical breaches. It is a free-labor business model where patients earn their keep in recovery by working for no pay.
Judges order addicted people to “do time” at Recovery Connections. Patients worked as janitors, cooks, and mostly caring for the elderly (a job that would occasionally see them administering the drugs they were addicted to). Workdays could stretch out up to eighteen hours (without pay).
Here is a punitive, profit motivated business model for a vulnerable segment of the population. It is rooted in shame but, additionally, it prescribed a therapy known as Synanon. This involved patients gathering in circles around a target and for forty-five minutes screaming insults: spoiled brat, stupid bitch, whore.
Such a business model could only exist in a society that opts to shame those with addictions.
Shame as a Marketing Tool
O’Neil points out that sexual organs are prime targets for shame machines. They bring out profound fears and insecurities within us. Further, “even in these more sexually liberated times we tend to envelope them in secrecy”.
An excellent example of this is a group of ads from the 1940s and 50s unearthed by BuzzFeed journalist Krista Torres.5 They reveal that women in the U.S. were washing their vaginas with Lysol as Lysol was marketing its product for this purpose.
This is clearly not healthy, and prior to a formula change in the 50s it resulted in burns. The marketing is heavily dependent on shame. Specifically, it frames the natural odor and bacteria of the vagina as dirty. Many of the ads explicitly state that “your husband will leave you” if you do not make Lysol part of your regime for good hygiene.
These ads may seem funny in retrospect (given how extreme and absurd they are) but they undoubtedly had physical and psychological consequences to anyone with a vagina at the time. Moreover, they are an excellent example of toxic shaming.
What Can We Do?
One important step we can take to mitigate the harmful effects of shame is to ensure that we are engaging in a way with people that allows them continue to feel they are in a community (rather than ostracizing them).
Additionally, we should avoid all forms of toxic shaming and be aware of and push back on the institutions profiting from shame.
We should continue to study and learn about shame. As always, multiple resources (in addition to the ones used in this article) are presented below.
DEFINITION OF TERMS
For a better understanding of this article the following terms are defined.
* Generation Z- refers to the group of people who were born between the late 1990s through the early 2010s
Sources
- “Guilt and Shame”, By Jefferson M Fish Ph.d., Psychology Today
- “What is Shame?”, By Arlin Cuncic, Very Well Mind
- The Shame Machine, By Cathy O’Neil
- “Monica Lewinsky and Jon Ronson on How Social Media Turns Us All Into Bullies”, Vanity Fair, Youtube
- “It Used To Be Common For Women To Use Lysol To Clean Their Vagina And Here’s Why”, By Krista Torres, BuzzFeed
Further Study
- “How Social Media Led to a Renaissance of Public Shaming”, PBS NewsHour
- “How one Tweet can Ruin Your Life”, Presented By Jon Ronson, TED Talks
- “The Price of Shame”, Presented By Monica Lewinsky, TED Talks
- “The Public-Shaming Pandemic”, By D.T. Max, The New Yorker
- “Don’t Call People Out–Call Them In”, By Loretta J Ross, TED Talks
