Rumination-Unraveling Solutions from the Maze of Overthinking

“You are talking to someone you like, trying to work up the courage to ask them out, and you make a joke. Instead of laughing they furrow their brow. You don’t ask them out and replay the incident repeatedly over the next few weeks. Why did you tell that joke? What’s wrong with you? Why do you always say the wrong thing?”

“You spend hours, putting forth your best effort on an essay for a particularly tough teacher.

You receive a B+.

But this was your best effort. If your best effort is only worth a B+ how will you ever accomplish any of your goals?

Perhaps it’s hopeless. Why even bother trying with your useless B+ brain?”

“You are working the information counter of a busy airport. A woman approaches saying she’s lost. She doesn’t remember where she parked her car. You attempt to narrow the possibilities by asking “landmark” questions. But she is distraught and can’t remember. She storms always calling you “useless” over her shoulder and saying, “some information counter!” “

If you have ever had a similar experience or found yourself overthinking your interactions and past experiences, you are probably a ruminator!

What is rumination?

In psychology, rumination refers to the tendency to overthink events and past experiences that caused distress and to focus on the causes and consequences as opposed to the solutions.

Research shows that people who have experienced depression in the past are more prone to ruminate over negatives, and that rumination can predict the onset of depressive episodes. Rumination also predicts anxiety symptoms (Nolen-Hoeksema, 2003).

Two types of rumination: Reflective pondering and brooding

Scientists and researchers have found that there’s two type of rumination:

One is reflective pondering (adaptive): this is when our minds are engaged in an active purposeful thinking. When we are reflecting on our past to find solutions to our problems. This leads to finding ways to confront the problems and be prepared if they happen again.

The other one is brooding (maladaptive): this is when we are passively reimagining the negative events and living them over and over again without showing an effort to develop a solution.

Based on studies, both can lead to a negative effect in the short-term but the reflective pondering eventually may lead to building problem-solving skills.¹

Who ruminates?

Statistically, rumination is higher in women than in men. Scientists have different explanations for this but one answer could be a greater amount of pressure on women regarding social interactions. As a result, they find themselves ruminating about these interactions, sometimes dissecting them in excruciating detail.

For both men and women the pattern of how they relate to their parents influences how they relate to others, and research indicates ruminators have likely been depressed in the past.

Why do we ruminate? The Maze Metaphor

When your body’s energy is being consumed by the natural stress response (fight or flight), your mind tries to find the most familiar terrain it knows. For those who worry/ruminate frequently this terrain is the mental pattern of rumination. The brain is always seeking ways to save energy. That’s how habit formation works. Unfortunately, this evolved response leads to more stress and a new cycle of worry and rumination. This maze goes nowhere.

The walls that make up the maze exhibit differently depending on the individual. It could be anticipation or reaction to a stressful situation, it could be going over conversations and interactions in increasingly detailed and negative ways.

But is that what really happened or…?

While remembering and overthinking your interactions with others, you might believe that you can clearly remember what the other person said that made you still remember it. But is that what really happened?²

“Memory is fiction. It may present itself to us as fact, but it is highly susceptible to distortion. Memory is not just a replaying, but a rewriting.” ~Daniel Levitin

If you find yourself replaying situations, you might also consider that what happened to you is almost always distorted and amplified when you’re looking back. We tend to replay our behavior towards friends and family members in a more negative way then it actually happened. That’s why people usually find themselves being the worst critic of their own behavior. This may lead to sacrificing hours or even days or weeks brooding over a conversation we had earlier, creating even more material to ruminate about, and getting stuck in a vicious cycle.³

Ruminators overrate their role

Ruminators tend to focus on the negative aspects of what happened and amplify the importance of their interactions with others. As a result, they always overrate their role in their relationships and intensify the perception of the negative feelings of others. This will make them think that their roles are more important than they actually are and thus lead to being hypersensitive about the social interactions.

“This negative self-importance makes you the center of attention in your own mind but doesn’t make you happier.” ~Sameet M. Kumar PHD.

The spotlight effect: Are we as important as we think we are?

In a social psychology test, one particular participant was asked to wear a Barry Manilow T-shirt and then join others in a room. The experimenters had the participant estimate how many of the other participants noticed their attire. Social psychologist Nicholas Eply, professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago, calls this experiment  one of the most liberating studies as the participant with the very different T-shirt largely overestimated the percentage (50 as to 23 percent).  This and other studies show that we always overestimate how people are paying attention and evaluating us.⁴

“Relax. Others likely won’t notice, and if they do, they likely won’t mind.” Nicholas Eply

What can be done?

So, say you’re a ruminator.  How do find your way to problem-solving without getting lost in the grooves of your own brain?

1. From what we know through research and experience, thought suppression doesn’t work. If you try hard not to ruminate, what you will end up doing is ruminating about not ruminating!

2. Practice mindful meditation: The basics of this practice are simple; straight back, eyes straight ahead, loose jaw, knees below hips, thumbs touching, and count your exhalations.

Your brain is frozen. Mindful meditation is simply you doing a reboot.

3. Distraction: Do whatever distraction works best for you. Reading, playing a game, exercising, watching a show or movie, doing a puzzle. If it’s positive action away from overthinking, do it.

4. Make a plan: Organize your problems into columns. Try to plot solutions. Look across the columns to see if anything connects. If there are columns with no solution write down a date when you might have solutions, or steps to one, and remind yourself this is now just a worry and you will not go back to it until said date.

Having a plan can interrupt rumination as you are always able to remind yourself, “I have a plan”! 

5. Live Mindfully. Occasionally thoughts will come fast in a way that is difficult to interrupt. Just allow the thoughts to wash over you. This is about reacting differently. Teaching yourself to witness thoughts as they arise, without feeding them, while mostly focusing on your breathing. Going back to the maze metaphor, think of it as looking down at the maze from above rather than being trapped inside.

“The insightful mind that has learned to focus on negativity can be retrained to focus on joy.” ~Sameet Kumar

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References:

1.  Rumination reconsidered by Trenyor, Gonzalez and Nolen-Hoeksema 2003
2.  The Organized Mind, by Daniel Levitin
3.  The Mindful Path Through Worry and Rumination, by Sameet M. Kumar PH.D
4.  Mindwise, by Nicholas Eply
5. “The role of Rumination in Depressive Disorders and Mixed Anxiety/Depressive Symptoms.” Journal of Abnormal Psychology. Nolen-Hoeksema/Susan