Fear Of Missing Out – FOMO: The Need for Social Connection and How It’s Exploited Through Connectivity

It is no secret that social media is playing an increasingly important role in our economic, political, and personal lives. The speed at which this role is expanding has politicians, psychologists, and ethicists struggling to institute healthy online norms. This is no small task as the system is designed to maximize use and profit.

In fact, the design model actively seeks to exploit psychological vulnerabilities.

In our examination of status popularity vs. likability, we introduced FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Here I will expand on this and encourage contemplation regarding your own social media use, personal autonomy, and the broader subject of digital ethics.

The Fear

FOMO is characterized by “a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing”. While wanting to be “continually connected” doesn’t sound healthy, what is truly damaging is that the origin of the desire is fear. Fear that “everyone is having fun without me”, “I am alone”, “my life isn’t measuring up”.

FOMO existed before and it continues to exist outside of social media. Research out of Carleton and McGill Universities found that among research participants, it didn’t really matter how people heard of a social activity they were not a part of. Whether it was from a friend or social media, there was the same amount of FOMO.

However (as clarified in a summary from Business Insider), it is important to consider the fact that someone is much more likely to see people’s plans on social media than hear about them all in person.

It’s sad that systems purporting to be “social” can be so isolating.

In his book, Digital Minimalism professor of computer science and author Cal Newport details the unhappiness that can come with connectivity, “many people I spoke to underscored social media’s ability to manipulate their mood. The constant exposure to their friends’ carefully curated portrayals of their lives generates feeling of inadequacy-especially during periods when they’re already feeling low-and for teenagers, it provides a cruelly effective way to be publicly excluded”.

Simple Solutions Difficult by Design

As someone with tendencies towards obsessive behaviors, I find navigating social media challenging. This is why I’m interested in researching its effects. Newport’s advice throughout Digital Minimalism is often common sense. I don’t think I’m a dim person. Why are my own social media habits often unhealthy (when I should know better)?

Tech whistleblower and digital ethicist Tristan Harris sums up how FOMO is built into social media thusly, “If I convince you that I’m a channel for important information, messages, friendships, or potential sexual opportunities- it will be hard for you to turn me off, unsubscribe, or remove your account-because (aha I win) you might miss something important”.

In a recent discussion at De Baile in Amsterdam Psychiatrist and Neuroscientist Judson Brewer pointed out that the human brain is always after the BBO (Bigger Better Offer). We might know it’s best to log off, that what we are seeing is curated and not real life, but our brain longs for the hit of dopamine of a potential “like” and to feel a sense of social connection with minimal effort.

This compulsion brings to mind our work on habit formation. Newport states, “Humans are naturally biased toward activities that require less energy in the short term, even if it’s more harmful in the long term”. And there are many who will find it more harmful in the long term. Mitch Prinstein outlines this in his book Popular, “our findings revealed that this use of online platforms to engage in ‘social comparison’ and ‘feedback-seeking’ was linked with later depression, especially for those who were unpopular and made ‘upward comparison’ while viewing the profiles of their peers.”

What Can Be Done?

1. As advised in our work on rumination, living mindfully and mindful meditation are an important. If you are truly present in your own life, then FOMO becomes a non-issue.

2. Cultivating healthy relationships is essential. As is knowing that, in terms of quality of life, likeability trumps status popularity.

3. Much of social media’s design is geared towards exploiting human habits and insecurities. Cal Newport’s Digital Minimalism invites users to take a month-long digital fast after which they reintroduce optional technology on their own terms. I was a bit sceptical as to the practicality of this practice but he makes a strong case. As Tristan Harris says,

“The thought, ‘what if I miss something important?’ is generated in advance of unplugging, unsubscribing, or turning off –not after.”

4. While you should work on your own best practices for your own mental health, there is a broader question of “what can be done?”.

We know companies are exploiting psychological vulnerabilities to maximize profit. As smartphone ownership is now ubiquitous in much of the world, we should demand more ethical behavior from tech.

Harris states, “Imagine if tech companies…helped us proactively tune our relationships with friend and businesses in terms of what we define as ‘time well spent’ for our lives, instead of in terms of what we might miss.”

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References and Sources for Further Study

• Tristan Harris essays
• Business Insider
• The discussion at De Baile
• Digital Minimalism, by Cal Newport
• Popular, by Mitch Prinstein
• The Mindful Path Through Worry and Rumination, by Sameet M Kumar
• Featured image by Free-Photos from Pixabay